Closet Boys

Closet Boys
“Dude, do you know how I know you’re gay?” Toni bantered with his best friend, David, on the front porch of the dormitory. They were sitting at opposite ends of the porch, tossing a football back and forth with one another. Toni goaded David on to respond to the joke.
“No, I don’t even know how I’m gay. You should let me in on these secrets,” David joked back with Toni in the most flamboyant voice he could. Toni laughed at the thought of his friend actually being gay and tossed the football again. As David was about to catch the ball, a third young man came bounding up the front steps and snatched the football right out of David’s reach. He had overheard Toni and David’s conversation and had decided to have a little fun with them.
“Well, I don’t know about you boys, but I know how I’m gay,” Ian said while looking Toni straight in the eyes. Ian threw the football back to Toni, then reached back and pinched David on the butt. Toni fumbled with the football and dropped it, while David looked as if he could have thrown up. Ian winked at the two football players and then walked into the dormitory building, as Toni and David began to shout vile insults toward him.
“What was with that guy? I swear if he even looks in the direction of my ass again, I’ll beat him into the ground,” David swore after the door closed behind Ian.
“I dunno, man, he’s some faggot who lives down the hall from me,” Toni said as he picked up the football. “What do you say we call up some of the guys and go play a quick game of football? Warm up for the game this weekend?” Toni suggested. At this, the two athletes grabbed their bags and headed for the football field.
Meanwhile, Ian was in his dorm room getting ready for his next class. He had to look great. A new student had just transferred into the class a couple days previously and Ian wanted this new boy to notice him. Ian tore through his closet and finally found a sleek, silky, purple button-up shirt. He pulled a tight pink undershirt on and put the button-up shirt on over it. He then fixed his wavy blonde hair and grabbed his bags, ready to leave for class.
When the new guy walked into the room, Ian was already sitting and waiting; he waved for the new kid to come sit next to him. He walked over to the seat next to Ian, smiled, and sat down. “Hey, my name’s Ian,” Ian introduced himself to the new guy. “If there’s anything you want or need to know about this class, this building, this campus, I’m your man.” Ian took a goofy bow from his seat. “And, who might you be?” He asked the new kid as he brought himself up from the bow.
“I’m Jayk. I just moved here with my parents from Michigan. God forbid my dad’s company from waiting until my semester at home was over to relocate him,” Jayk introduced himself to Ian. “Sorry if I seem a little cross about that, I just would have rather waited to move.”
Jayk smiled apologetically at Ian, and Ian shrugged off the cross comment as the professor entered the class room and class began.
Two weeks passed and Ian had seemed to have gotten his wish. Jayk had turned out to be a fabulous person and the two were getting along great. They had even begun to have lunch together after class on most days. The only time they ever seemed to have any problems was when Toni and David came around. When the two jocks were around to tease and torment Ian, Jayk would shy up even more so than what he already was. This very shy side of Jayk was beginning to make Ian rethink his thoughts on Jayk until one day just before lunch Jayk stopped Ian to ask him a question. “Ian, why are those two so cruel about your sexuality?”
Ian laughed and responded, “Because they’re a couple of jackasses with nothing better to do with their time. I don’t worry about it too much, I’m proud of who I am and they can bite me if they don’t like it.” Jayk laughed at Ian’s response, and as he did so, Ian took Jayk in his arms and kisses him gently on the lips. Jayk pulled away slowly and looked up at Ian. “Sorry, I just…I couldn’t…” Ian stumbled over his words, hoping that he hadn’t pushed the limits too soon. Jayk simply smiled at Ian and took his hand. They walked to the cafeteria to have lunch together.
Jayk and Ian had just finished their lunches when Toni and David approached their table. Toni was the first to come to the table, David wasn’t far behind. “Oops!” David exclaimed as he pretended to trip and purposely spilled his soda into Ian’s lap. The two jocks laughed as Ian sneered and quickly began to wipe his pants dry with napkins.
“So, I see you’ve finally found yourself a fellow queer?” Toni taunted and nodded toward Jayk. At this comment, Jayk froze momentarily and looked from Ian to Toni in confusion as to what to say. He thought as quickly as he could, and he blurted out the first thought that came to mind.
“No, we’re just friends, and I’m not his type—if you know what I mean,” Jayk said, not realizing the words that had just spewed from his mouth. Toni and David looked at each other with disbelief and walked away from the table to go join their girlfriends at the other side of the cafeteria. Ian looked at Jayk with hurt and disgust; he couldn’t believe the words he just heard either.
“What are you talking about—‘not his type, if you know what I mean’?” Ian questioned Jayk, forgetting that his pants were drenched in a sticky, wet soda.
Jayk looked down in shame, and then back up into Ian’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Ian. It’s just that…you’re the only one here who knows I’m gay, not even my parents know.” Jayk apologized to Ian; he knew that he had hurt Ian. “I’m just not ready to tell the world and come out of the closet, you know?” Ian nodded in acceptance. The couple picked up their trays and carried them to the kitchen window. They left the cafeteria in silence and headed to the dormitories.
Months passed by and the semester was coming to an end; finals were right around the corner. Jayk and Ian continued to date in secret. They still had lunch together, Jayk would visit Ian’s dorm a couple nights a week for study—they never went to Jayk’s house—and they even went out on dates from time to time. Toni and David continued to terrorize Ian while Jayk stood in the side-lines to watch. Summer came and went, and Jayk and Ian continued dating even though Ian had to go home over the break. When classes started back, the couple made sure to have all the same classes together, though they still never told anyone of their secret love. Ian was beginning to get a little tired of playing “Romeo and Juliet;” he wanted everyone to know about his love for Jayk, but Jayk wouldn’t have it.
The old charade with Toni and David, of course, began again with the start of a new semester. Within the first week of classes, they had pulled one of the worst gags they could have one Ian. One morning after a night that Jayk had spent the night, Ian and Jayk walked out of the dormitory to Ian’s car to go run some errands. When the car came in sight, Ian cursed with disgust at what he saw. Over the night, Toni and David had spray painted Ian’s car with washable car decoration foam. His car was splattered with the word “Faggot” in big, block letters across the hood, both sides, and the rear window. Toni and David weren’t far off from the scene and came running with cans of shaving cream. They sprayed Ian and his car until both of their cans were empty.
It had been a week since the car incident. Ian had easily gotten over the episode and had gotten back to figuring out how to tell the world about Jayk. Finally, one evening while they were sitting in Ian’s dorm room, Ian decided to interrogate Jayk on his fears of coming out. “Jayk, why is it that you are so afraid to tell people that you like men?”
Jayk shied away at the question but spoke up with answer. “I see how everyone treats you; I see what kind of shit Toni and David put you through. In all honesty, it scares the hell out of me.” Jayk lay his head down in Ian’s lap and looked up into Ian’s eyes. “I know it seems selfish, but I just don’t want to go through that. I can’t imagine dealing with it everyday and staying happy like you do.” Jayk’s eyes filled with tears as he continued, “It hurts me to see you go through it, but just I can’t imagine how it must feel to be the one actually taking the bullet.”
Ian ran his fingers through Jayk’s dark hair, but he didn’t smile at Jayk like he usually would. “Why don’t you just try coming out? Maybe just to some friends here at school, or we can begin holding hands in public, or something. I’m tired of having to hide our relationship; we’ve been together for nearly a year now and the only people who know about it are my parents, and they accept it completely.” Ian begged Jayk to begin to tell someone, anyone. “In the end, you’re happier because you’re no longer living a lie. It begins not to matter when people like Toni and David piss on you, because you know you’re living in the truth. That’s why I stay happy when they tease me.”
“I just dunno, Ian. It’s a really hard thing for me to even think about trying, but I’ll give it a shot.” Jayk said as he curled up next to Ian. Ian layed down next to Jayk and put his arms around his boyfriend. Ian knew that Jayk needed all the comfort he could get right now.
The next day Jayk told some of his friends that he and Ian had been dating for many months now. His friends were accepting, and they hugged him and told him that it was wonderful that he was finally telling someone. Yet, Toni and David had not been far off when Jayk broke the news. It wouldn’t be long now before they were teasing Jayk about his relationship with Ian. Jayk didn’t worry about that, though. The acceptance his friends had shown gave him the confidence to tell his parents about himself and Ian. That very afternoon, Jayk asked Ian to go home with him so that they could stand hand in hand when Jayk told his parents that he was gay.
When Jayk arrived at his home that afternoon, he felt a little queasy and very nervous. He felt that something, anything, was about to go terribly wrong with the evening. As Jayk and Ian entered the house, Jayk called out to see if anyone was home; no one responded, so they headed into the living room to watch some television. Time passed by and the sky grew dark, but Jayk’s parents finally pulled into the driveway. Jayk moved closer to Ian and interlaced his fingers tightly with Ian’s as his parents walked through the doorway.
“Mom, Dad, there’s something I’ve been needing to tell you,” Jayk announced and stood up with Ian in front of his parents. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Ian. We’ve been dating for nearly a year now.” Jayk and Ian stood together, hand in hand, in the dimly lit living room waiting for a response from Jayk’s parents.
Jayk’s mom had tears in her eyes, but his dad’s face burned with rage. “Get out of my house,” Jayk’s dad commanded to Ian. But Ian stood firm with Jayk, he did not move. “Boy, did you not understand what I said? I said get out of my house!” Jayk’s dad shouted at Ian.
“Sir, I don’t want to leave until I know what happens to Jayk,” Ian responded to the shouting in a calm, relaxed, respectful voice.
Jayk’s dad shook with anger. “I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. If you don’t leave this instant, Jayk will have nowhere to live; and if you do leave now but Jayk continues to see you, Jayk will have nowhere to live. So, I would suggest that you get out now,” Jayk’s dad said as he glared at his son.
At this, Jayk dropped Ian’s hand and walked out the door. Ian followed behind him. Once they were both outside, Jayk sat down on his front porch and burst into tears. He looked up at Ian and told him through sobs, “Ian, I can’t do this. I love you, but I can’t be with you if this is what it’s going to cause. Ian, I’m breaking up with you. I can’t get kicked out of my house because my parents don’t like who I’m dating. I’m sorry, Ian, it’s over.” Jayk got up and turned to go inside; he glanced over his shoulder just long enough to see Ian wipe a tear from his cheek as he climbed into his car.
Ian backed out of the driveway, and then sped off down the road. He was furious that Jayk wouldn’t stand stronger for him, but he couldn’t stand the thought of not being with Jayk. His eyes were blurred with tears, but he still drove faster away from the nightmare he wasn’t waking up from.
Despite his speed, another car was catching up with him quickly. The car belonged to Toni, and David was with him. “Hey, isn’t that Ian, that queer who lives down the hall from you?” David asked Toni as they came even nearer to the vehicle in front of them.
“Yah, it is. What do you say we give him a little scare?” Toni said with a wicked grin on his face as he floored the gas. Toni got closer and closer to Ian until they were right up on the bumper of Ian’s car. When Ian glanced up and noticed how close the car behind him was, he changed lanes, but as he did so, Toni swerved as if he was going to hit Ian’s car. Ian jerked the steering wheel quickly to the right to avoid being hit and lost control of the car. Ian spun out of control and soon the hood of his car kissed a nearby tree on the side of the road. Toni and David sped off as if nothing had happened.
Moments later, ambulances and police cars were blocking off the road and EMTs were rushing to try to save Ian from the wreckage. The car was totaled beyond repair, but the medics managed to pull Ian from the tangle of fiber glass. He was covered with blood, and had glass shards protruding from everywhere that the medics could see, but he was still barely breathing. The medics rushed to get Ian onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. Once they had Ian inside the back of the ambulance, the vehicle sped off to the hospital. While lying on the stretcher, Ian managed to mumble the words “Call Jayk,” but the paramedics weren’t sure of what he meant.
Ian’s parents met the medics at the hospital; from there they called Jayk and told him the news. Jayk rushed to the hospital as quick as he could, but when he got there, no one was in the lobby to meet him. He walked up to the front desk and asked the nurse, “Where can I find Ian Fatheree?” The nurse flipped through her patients lists and found the name.
“Are you any relation to Ian?” the nurse asked Jayk with a stern look. Jayk shook his head no and the nurse said, “Well, I can’t allow you to enter to room then.”
Tears poured down Jayk’s face, and he begged the nurse, “Please, mam, he’s my boyfriend and I was told he may not make it through. I want to see him.”
“I’m sorry,” the nurse raised her voice, “but you may not see him, you are not family and I do not have permission from the family for anyone else to enter.” Jayk turned away from the nurse and flopped down in one of the lobby chairs. He buried his face in his hands and cried. Jayk cried himself to sleep in the chair.
Hours passed by before Ian’s parents walked out of the emergency room doors. They approached Jayk and layed their hands on his shoulders. Jayk was startled by this and he awoke. Ian’s parents looked down at Jayk with tears running down their faces. They sat down next to Jayk and sobbed. Jayk knew what this meant; Ian has not survived the accident. Tears welled up in his eyes again, and together, the three cried over the loss of a loved one.
A week’s time passed. No one had seen Ian’s accident, so no one was able to report what exactly had happened; Toni was off the hook for good, and he wouldn’t admit to causing the wreck. Ian’s funeral was beautifully sad; Jayk had managed not to cry, because he remembered how happy Ian had always been. Jayk finally moved out of his house and into the dorm room that had once been Ian’s. Ian’s parents had allowed Jayk to keep all of the bed sheets and belongings Ian had taken with him. Jayk continued his life as he should; he eventually even began to date again. But, nothing was ever the same as it had been, and no one would ever get the same love Ian got. Despite Jayk carrying on with his life, he would still curl up in Ian’s bed sheets each night and cry himself to sleep, wondering what life could be like now if only he hadn’t ended it.